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A Year Has Gone By And Here I Am..

July 11, 2011 by catwmn

On July 7th I made ONE YEAR in braces. A lot has changed in this past year, but not nearly as much as I wanted to.

Here I am, still the same weight, still the same size.

When I decided to have this Jaw Surgery and got my braces on I had all of these big plans to lose all of this weight before my surgery and get healthy. I have started and stopped and started and stopped so many times since then it’s not even funny.

Yesterday I was changing out of my swim suit from going swimming and caught a glance of my naked body in the mirror bent in a peculiar way and gasped. I mean, I am not fooling myself into thinking I looked GREAT or anything but I didn’t think I looked THAT bad.  I had this HUGE spare tire in my mid-section.  I know where it came from too.

This summer has been the summer of liquor and margaritas for me. Or beer. And chips, and salsa, and guacamole. And cheese. Lots and lots of cheese. All of these things go along so well with laying in the sun. I have made a dip with bulk breakfast sausage and cream cheese and Rotel more times than I like to admit and literally stood in front of the pan shoveling it into my mouth.  Internally I was fooling myself that I wasn’t really eating THAT much of it..when in fact I had probably MUCH more than one serving of it.

On top of that, ever since the kids got out of school I have spent the majority of my time on my butt in front of my laptop.  Eating, Drinking and sitting on ones ass is never a good thing for ones midsection.

It seems that I am my own worst enemy when it comes to diet and exercise programs.

4 summers ago I completed a Body For Life Challenge. I lost 36 pounds in 12 weeks and went from a size 18 to a size 7. (7 might not sound that small to you but I’m tall and I have big bones. I looked AWESOME in a size 7)  I never felt or looked better in my whole life since I had kids. Then, after the 12 weeks were over I just sort of fizzled out. 12 weeks straight of living on Oatmeal, chicken breast and broccoli and protein shakes had done me in. I wanted FOOD. I wanted Pizza, burgers, beer, liquor, you name it. It didn’t take long (about a year) and I was right back where I started.  Then I tried to do the challenge again and fizzled out by week 4. I couldn’t LIVE on that kind of food. It was boring and left me highly uninspired.

I haven’t really stuck to much since then and it really shows.

I’m almost 36 now and I am so scared that I am going to turn 40 and be FAT. I know there are worse things really, but I DO NOT want to be 40 and fat. And I know that if I want to get this weight off I have to do it NOW because the older I get the harder it’s going to be.

I can’t for the life of me figure out what keeps holding me back.

It’s certainly not the planning part of it. I am the queen of planning.

I know how to set goals.

I know how to start something.

I have never figured out how to finish. I think it comes from being a perfectionist.

I’m such an all or nothing girl. One tiny road block and I consider it total failure and give up.

I know I’m not the only one that is that way.

My other issue is that I tend to start something totally gung ho, over do it, injure myself and then have to stop because of that.

Either that, or I try to change too many things at once. Or make the program too restrictive where there is no flexibility with it and then I feel like a total failure if I can’t follow it.

It’s something I am really going to work on over the next few months.

I sat down this past weekend and wrote out a 90 day plan that mixes what I loved about Body For Life’s weight lifting regimen, with an eating plan I can follow for the long haul (Yes, it includes pizza, occasional cookies, and beer once a week), and cardio that I actually enjoy. I set a starting goal to follow it for just one week. Then to look back at what I enjoyed and what worked and continue with that and drop what I hated.

Today was my first day back on the weights. I forgot how hard it was when you were starting out. Hell, it’s been 3 hours since my workout and my arms still aren’t working right yet. I have that jello shaky arm sensation. And I LOVE it. I think that’s one of the reasons Body For Life worked so well for me when I did it. It wasn’t a video I had to keep up with.(And then feel like a total failure if you couldn’t move as fast or get in as many reps as the guy on the tape.) I got to go at my own pace. I got to lift whatever weight I felt comfortable with.  And because I’m not trying to listen to a trainer on a DVD I can listen to myself. Pay attention to my body, and how it feels.

So, for accountability’s sake here’s my plan for this week:

Daily Supplements:

Shakeology twice a day. (Monday- Saturday and then once on Sunday)

Intramax Liquid vitamin and mineral supplement once a day

Natural Calm Calcium Magnesium at night before bed to help with muscle cramping.

Food Plan:

Track all food on My Fitness Pal. (Every morsel)

Try to eat 1200-1400 calories a day

Stay away from processed junk Monday- Saturday.

Eat a lot more fruits and veggies.

Get some protein with every meal.

DRINK MY WATER! (This is one of the biggies for me. I am terrible about drinking water.)

Sundays are my one big cheat meal days. I have to eat a healthy breakfast and I can choose either lunch or dinner to have my cheat meal.  I still have to log the calories for this meal. I am not allowed to feel guilty for eating it. Especially if I have followed the plan for the whole week previous to it.

Saturday nights I am allowed to have TWO alcoholic beverages of my choice. I still have to track the calories for this and I am not allowed to feel guilty for drinking it.

Exercise:

Monday: Upper body weights/ Dance Cardio Express Workout

Tuesday: Dance Cardio Workout

Wednesday: Lower body weights/Abs/ Dance Cardio Express Workout

Thursday: Dance Cardio workout

Friday: Upper body weights/ Dance Cardio Express Workout

Saturday: P90X Plyometrics. My favorite workout from the whole series. It’s a MOTHER but it goes by quick and it will put the hurt on you.

Sunday: Rest day. YAY!

I may drop one other dance workout on the second week and do an extra day of Plyometrics. On plyometrics days I will also drink the P90X results and recovery formula because my legs will NEED it.

Mondays are weight in and measurements days. I will take progress photos every 4 weeks. (No, you cannot see them.) (Ok, maybe after I finish and I’m all buff you can see them.)

I’m going to make it a point to keep a journal and keep tabs on my feelings through this process. I will not beat myself up for falling off and eating a cookie. I will track said cookie, and I will get right back on the wagon with the very next meal.  This has been one of my biggest problems with most diets. If I eat a cookie my brain goes..”Screw it, you ruined the day, why not eat the whole bag?” Ugh.

No more.

Another thing to note. I have not set a “goal” weight for myself.  The reason for that is I am going to keep going until I reach my “happy” weight.  I have two crates of clothes in my closet that are a size 7/8. I have refused all of these years to get rid of them because there are so many happy memories attached to a lot of those outfits.  Outfits worn when I as a person was much happier.(And much cuter.) I am going to keep at this until all of those clothes fit again.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not miserable right now. I just know I don’t look and feel my best.  Also, when I am in this shape I do not have the best self esteem. I know I’m an awesome person and because of my body image issues I just can’t put myself out there like I would if I were more fit and healthy.  A lot of people are losing out on that, including me. (Yes, I know that sounds conceited but it’s honestly the way I feel.) I have always told everyone I know that as soon as this whole jaw surgery saga is behind me I am going to be utterly unstoppable as a human being and a woman. There will be nothing left standing between me and the rest of the world and all of the people I will be able to interact with. I can’t wait!

The key for me is staying consistent with it. It’s only an HOUR a day I have to devote to exercise . It will NOT kill me. The eating part will be easy. The Exercise part is not. I have to make sure that I do this for myself. I know that I am only truly happy when I look my best. I do NOT look my best in the body I am in right now. I do not FEEL my best in the body I am in right now.

So, here we go. I’ll be keeping everyone abreast of the situation as it plays out.  Wish me luck!

Time for that Cardio! :-)

 

Posted in Feeling Good In My Own Skin, Getting Fit Before Surgery, Rambling to hear myself talk | 4 Comments »

11 Months..

June 7, 2011 by catwmn

Yesterday marked 11 months since I got my lower braces on.

Oh how much has changed in that time. I’m completely finished with moving my lower teeth and now we are in the heavy wires on the top arch to try to widen it out some and I’m in rubber bands on my molars to try to lengthen them because my bite is open in the back.( I got my top braces on about 3 months ago.)

Rubber Bands are the bane of my existence. I am in the super heavy bands. (Galapagos Tortoise Bands) so they are really tight and can seriously cause some sore muscles in my jaws. Every once in awhile one will snap and shoot into my cheek which doesn’t feel too hot either.

I’m still bummed that I’m looking at possibly another 6 months before surgery. I had so hoped to get it done sooner but I guess the best things come to those who wait. God knows I don’t want to rush it and have a less than stellar outcome.  My orthodontist said she would rather have my teeth in perfect position PRIOR to surgery than do a lot of moving around afterward.  This means of course I will have less time in braces AFTER surgery than most people.  I’m probably still at least a year from getting all of this metal out of my mouth though. GRR.

I’ve noticed that I’ve been really grinding my teeth a lot more at night than I usually do and I’ve been doing a lot of clenching during the day.  Bart also said I have been snoring a bit more than normal at night. I don’t know if this has something to do with the rubber bands and all of the pressure they are putting on my jaws but I intend to ask at my next appointment in a few weeks. It seems counter productive to wear these rubber bands to pull my molars out longer and then grind on them and push them back in. :-/

I’ve been reading a lot of other surgery blogs lately. I’m still waiting to find out from my surgeon whether I will be doing upper and lower surgery or just lower with Genioplasty. If it’s just lower with the Genioplasty I can do it outpatient and be home the same day. With both  upper and lower there will be at least a two day hospital stay. It seems that the recovery is much easier with just the lower jaw surgery but the results aesthetically are more dramatic with double jaw.  Lord knows if I am putting myself through all of this hell I want the most bang for my buck. So if he says double jaw I’ll do it. I won’t be seeing my surgeon until the orthodontist thinks I am almost ready for surgery so I won’t know until then.

All in all, life is really good and relaxed right now. The kids are all out of school for the summer until August 22nd. We are now starting to get into a daily routine that works for us and my days are just very mellow. This is really good. I remember summers past seemed like a war-zone for me and I used to fall into a deep depression during the summer. Mostly due to the fact that the kids were so much younger and more difficult to deal with 24/7. Now that they are older we have a lot more fun together.  We’ve got the pool which we spend time in every day, plus we watch lots of movies.

Bart and I recently celebrated our 14th Wedding Anniversary! Can you believe it! Sometimes it seems like just yesterday when we were so young and crazy. Now look at us. 3 great kids, and just as crazy about each other as the day we met.  I am realizing now just how rare that connection is..and I am SOOO Thankful for it..  I know people who are married who can barely stand the sight of each other. I feel extremely lucky to have Bart and I know he feels exactly the same way about me. That is why we will be together FOREVER. <3

Anyway, that’s pretty much all I have to say for now. Just wanted to post a quick update… Hope everyone is staying cool out there. I saw our thermometer in the truck yesterday reach 107 while we were out running errands. The heat has been INSANE and we have had little or no rain in MONTHS. The weather is crazy I tell ya, I am not looking forward to what mother nature has in store for us for Hurricane Season.

I’ll write more again soon! Until then…

Posted in ahh summer, Daily Life at the Clickarosa, Orthodontics/Braces, Orthognathic Surgery, Rambling to hear myself talk | Leave a Comment »

Back To Blogging Again..Summer Plans..

May 30, 2011 by catwmn

Yes, I now it has been a LONG time since I wrote anything here.. I plan to make up for that over the summer.

There are only 2 and a half days of school left in this year. I have to say I am really looking forward to Summer Break. REALLY looking forward to it. Now that the boys are older(Austin is almost 14 and the twins are almost 12) I don’t feel like I have to be up their butts 24/7 which I am sure we are ALL thankful for. We have the pool set up and it is PERFECT with the deck around it and my cool gravity chair I got to lay out on. I see myself spending a LOT of time out there with the boys with tunes playing and soaking up sun.

I have a lot of plans for the summer for self improvement. It seems that the summer months are the best months for me to take on anything like that because my schedule is much easier to handle then.

1.  I’m going to redo Chalene Johnson’s 30 Day Challenge to Master Organization. She starts a new challenge every first of the month so NOW is the time to sign up and it’s totally FREE. You can’t beat that! It totally helped me to focus better on my goals back in January and how to master a to-do list. I’m just wanting to refresh myself over the month of June while I focus on some other goals too.

2.  I’m starting back on my fitness program. I haven’t decided if I will do a Beachbody Program or just do Body For Life again. I had such amazing results with Body For Life I will probably go that route. OR- I may mix up some different Beachbody Programs along with some basic Body For Life Workouts. Of course I will be drinking Shakeology too the whole time. As always. Love that stuff! I’d like to drop about 25 pounds by the time the kids go back to school. I think it’s totally doable as long as I stay focused on my workouts and the food I am putting into my body.

3. I am planning on getting through MOST of my Photography Course from New York Institute of Photography. I’m kind of stuck on this one part of it that I am really NOT interested in at all. (Film Photography) I know why I have to learn it but it is just boring me to death. (I don’t EVER plan on shooting with a film camera so I don’t feel that interested in learning it.) I’m just going to get through it and move on.

4. Scentsy Convention is in Dallas in August and I am super excited about that. I am on track to earn the special incentive warmer for this month PLUS I achieved Scentsational Start Level 2 in my first 70 days! WOOT!  I’m going to really push to try to get some basket parties booked over the summer.

5. I am still continuing with my orthodontic treatment and moving towards my Jaw Surgery. I was told at my last appointment though that I will likely NOT be having surgery until sometime in 2012. That was a real bummer, but it’s ok. I’m over it. As long as I can get it done while the kids are in school next year I will be fine. I would like to avoid having it done during Thanksgiving/Christmas break or any other holiday that is centered around food. That would suck to spend the holidays banded shut and sucking food though a straw. LOL

6. I am going to work really hard on the kids eating and dietary stuff over the summer. I have GOT to get them on better food and I am sick to death of cooking Mac and Cheese almost EVERY SINGLE DAY.  So, it’s back to the Sneaky recipes that use pureed veggies in them and so on and so forth. Healthier home cooked meals for everyone. Win/Win situation.

So, that’s my plan for the summer! What are you planning?

 

Posted in ahh summer, Orthodontics/Braces, Rambling to hear myself talk | Leave a Comment »

P90X: Redux AKA: I May Be A Glutton For Punishment

February 22, 2011 by catwmn

So, now that I have the top braces on and I’m used to them and back to eating my normal food again I’m going to try to do the whole P90X thing again. My last round I made it about 9 days before injuring my shoulder. Then life got in the way, I got the braces, couldn’t eat real food, got frustrated and I stopped. As hard as the workouts were I did love them. And I miss seeing Tony’s smiling face in the morning.

I’ve been mixing up different workouts from Rockin’ Body and Hip Hop Abs with Turbo Fire and doing tons of Wii Dance games, but it’s really not satisfying my craving for the X… There’s just nothing like finishing one of Tony’s workouts in a pool of sweat. It’s a total rush, and even though I usually want to puke afterward I ALWAYS felt like I had accomplished something at the end. (Especially after doing Plyometrics.)

I picked a different rotation calendar this time that I hope will fit my schedule better. It’s P90X Lean which focuses more on cardio and less on the weight lifting aspect. It’s supposed to be better for the fat burning aspect which is my goal for now. Of course I’m going to tweak it because it still has the Yoga X and the Kenpo which I HATE so I’ll be subbing in X-stretch for the Yoga X and subbing Plyometrics for the Kenpo.I(The Lean program does not include Plyometrics which just happens to be my FAVORITE workout in the whole series.)

So, I’ll be spending the rest of this week getting all of my junk food cravings out of my system, purging my house of Girl Scout Cookies, and shopping for clean eats for next week. I may go to Academy and get a power tower for doing the pull ups since my house does not have a proper doorway for my pull up bar. I’ll have to see what they have and how much they cost but I’ve always wanted one so I could use my TRX in my workout room.

I figure I’ve sat around on my butt long enough and swimsuit season is quickly approaching. I will NOT spend another summer in workout shorts and tank tops in the pool. I want to wear a REAL bathing suit this year. PLUS, I kind of have to do this before my jaw surgery. Everything I have read points to the fact that if you are in great physical shape before the surgery you recover much more quickly.  I can’t think of any other way to get in great shape than to complete a round of P90X.

I’ve got a girlfriend on Facebook that is also doing the program with me and we are going to be accountability buddies which is something I did not have last go around. I think that checking in with each other daily will keep us both on track better.

So, 90 Days… I can do this. That will put me finishing sometime in May which will be just in time for my 14th wedding anniversary. What a great gift to the hubs.. ;-) (And to myself)

Also, I’m considering adding in the Couch to 5K running program. I have a treadmill so I can do all of my running indoors and it’s only 3 days a week. Since I’m not interested really in doing the whole running thing for the races and stuff I’ll strictly be using it for the health benefits AND the serious calorie burn. However, if at any time it starts to interfere with  my P90X it will be reduced.

I’ll keep you guys up to date as to how it goes! I’m pretty excited!! (Let’s see how long that lasts.. ;-) )

 

Posted in Getting Fit Before Surgery, P90X, Rambling to hear myself talk | 1 Comment »

And Then Frustration Sets In..(*VENT*)

February 11, 2011 by catwmn

I am convinced that when a person is in constant pain it greatly affects their energy levels. I have felt utterly wiped out for the past two days. There has been little I could do to make my mouth more comfortable, or relieve my pain. Even sleeping has been a challenge.

One of the assistants in my Orthodontist’s office told me before I got my top braces that the bottom braces were by far the worst and the top ones would be a piece of cake. She is a damn liar.

The level of discomfort I have had from getting the upper braces on has FAR surpassed even the pain I had after having 6 teeth pulled at one time. (4 wisdom teeth and two other ones.)

The upper inside part of my mouth is literally SHREDDED where the upper braces end in the back on my molars. Talking hurts, drinking hurts, doing any sort of movement with my mouth at all hurts.

I cannot for the life of me get the wax to stick back there to stop the metal from rubbing over the shredded area. I tried drying it with a piece of paper towel and then got paper stuck back there. :-/  I tried anbesol but it only works for a short period of time.

Today is day 3 since they went on and apparently my top molars have already shifted because my bite no longer  closes fully.  My top teeth do not fit with my bottom teeth anymore. I cannot fully close my mouth in a comfortable position without forcing my lower jaw off to one side.

My top lip is swollen from being shredded on the inside where the brackets are behind it.  Since my top lip is swollen I cannot close my mouth all the way and my lips have been super dry and in order to put lip balm on I have to drag it across my top lip which pushes it into the brackets that have shredded the underside of it.

All of it just sucks right now.

And I’m HUNGRY. I can’t really eat much right now because I can’t chew because my teeth hurt.  So I’ve had a cup of coffee, a smoothie, a banana, and a yogurt today.  That’s not a lot of food. The only other options in the house currently are mashed potatoes, and apple sauce, and neither of those sound appetizing at all.

Today is one of those days when I definitely am wondering what the heck I was thinking agreeing to go through with this whole process.

I know that in the end this will all be worth it, but it’s so hard for me to see that right now when I am SO MISERABLE.

Oh, and to top it all off,  I have PMS like a mother trucker, AND the cat peed on the clean pile of towels that was on the couch sometime last night which soaked through the towels ONTO the couch. I spent two hours with an enzyme cleaner soaking it and mopping it up, and I’m PRAYING I can get the smell out of the loveseat or it has to GO. I cannot STAND the odor of cat urine and even the slightest whiff of it is going to drive me NUTS.  I’m also praying I can get it out of the towels too.

Today is not a good day.  I totally don’t want ANYONE to see me like this. I have to go to a dance at the middle school tonight to supervise Aaron because I am the only one on the blue background check card that can be allowed into the school during functions. I don’t want him to miss the dance so I will have to get dressed and go and try to make the best of it.

I’m just so frustrated. I’m a tough girl, I can handle most anything. Except pain in my mouth. That is one thing that gets me every time. Mainly because it’s a pain you can’t escape from. No matter what I do it’s all I can think about. I can’t focus on my school work for NYIP, I can’t focus on TV, I can’t focus on ANYTHING at the moment except this miserable mess inside my mouth.

I sure hope this passes soon.  I seem to remember it taking about a week for me to get used to the lower braces and they were  not near as miserable as this is.

Ok, Vent over. I have to get back to my school work and laundry.

Peace out peeps! I’ll keep you updated!

<3 Cat

Posted in Orthodontics/Braces, Orthognathic Surgery, Rambling to hear myself talk | 2 Comments »

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